The Charisma Myth, Book Notes

People are not simply born charismatic, we can learin it.

Charisma Demystified
Don’t have to be naturally outgoing, you don’t have to be physically attractive, and you won’t have to change your personality
Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod. Pause for two full seconds before you speak.
The Charismatic Behaviors: Presence, Power, and Warmth
  • Powerful means being perceived as able to affect the world.
  • Warmth, simply put, is goodwill.
  • Presence means being fully there.
 Overcoming the Obstacles
Step One: Destigmatize Discomfort simply by understanding that it’s normal, common, and nothing to be anxious about or ashamed of
Step Two: Neutralize Negativity realize that your thoughts aren’t necessarily accurate at all. Mind’s view of reality can be, and often is, completely distorted.
Assign a label to your negative experience
Step Three: Rewrite Reality. What if this unfortunate, unpleasant experience is absolutely perfect just as it is
In what way can this turn out to be absolutely perfect for me?
Zoom out your focus to see yourself as one little person sitting in a room with certain chemicals flooding his system.
Delving into discomfort
Delve into those very sensations of discomfort
full attention to the very sensations you’d instinctively want to push away.
To be charismatic, you must first learn to overcome the primary obstacle to charisma: internal discomfort.
Creating Charismatic Mental States
You can increase both warmth and confidence by practicing gratitude, goodwill, and compassion for others as well as for yourself.
Different Charisma Styles
Focus Charisma: Presence and Confidence
Good listening skills are nonnegotiable, as is a certain degree of patience
Visionary Charisma: Belief and Confidence knowing how to craft a bold vision and knowing how to deliver the message charismatically
keys to communicating your visionary charisma is getting yourself into a state of complete conviction, shedding any doubt.
Kindness Charisma: Warmth and Confidence gratitude, goodwill, compassion, and self-compassion avoid any body language of tension, criticism, or coldness
Authority Charisma: Status and Confidence most powerful evaluate someone’s authority charisma through four indicators: body language, appearance, title, and the reactions of others.
Clothing is one of our first and strongest clues
project power by displaying signs of status and confidenc
body language and appearance
take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting.
fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation.
Stretch out of your comfort zone in low-stakes situations.
Speaking—and Listening—with Charisma
pause before they answer.
  • They finish their sentence
  • Your face absorbs Your face reacts
  • Then, and only then, you answer
Things people look for in a conversation:
Entertainment: Make your e-mail or meeting enjoyable.
Information: Give interesting or informative content that they can use.
Good feelings: Find ways to make them feel important or good about themselves.